Dear Sir,

I have received the roses, which considering their virtual nature, are indeed very pretty and as close to the real thing as, I suppose, I can hope to come.

Regarding your intimations of exchanged kisses and/or sexual relations in an unidentified future period, I presume you are joking. 

It would appear that you are requesting a photo (small) of my rear end to affix to the handlebars of your bike to cheer you up on winter mornings.   The idea is quite ingenious, but I regret to inform you that I am hardly the ideal candidate for a number of reasons, on which I shall not elaborate.  

You propose 'fixing me', for my uncaring gesture in flinging your pornography into the litter can and scarcely heeding your other literary efforts.   No, I assure you, at the first available opportunity I shall peruse your literary production with greater attention.   Talent, or willingness to involve onself in the literary field is always to be encouraged.

Regarding the "fixing" part.   May I respectfully suggest that you start by unscrewing the head and possibly replacing same - complete with contents.   Then you are welcome to proceed with any further salvage operation you see fit, whether this be the replacing of limbs or organs, or whatever, I have entire confidence that you will do a good job.

Bi,

mcg